The 5 Essentials
During the trip I had a lot of time to think about what I want in life, I thought about future occupations, a future family, where I would want to live, and what I would want to accomplish by the time I die. After much consideration, I decided I would like to get married some day, probably still some years off if it does indeed happen, but if it does, there are a couple of specific things I am looking for. I know many people who want to get married and that is it, that is the end goal. For me, I think I only want to get married if the conditions are right, that is to say, I see no need to dive into a life long commitment with someone unless they meet certain criteria. The following is said criteria, which I share mainly for the purpose of being held accountable to my own current convictions. It would be marvelously challenging if somewhere down the road, I am involved in a relationship where something from here is left out, and that is made aware to me by a friend or acquaintance who read it here some time before.
1. Although it may be obvious, I want to be completely in love with that person. I want to feel for her what I read about it books, and see in the movies. If I am not in love with a person to the point where I truly care about them, more than I do myself, then I really see no need to get married. I want absolute love or nothing else. Perhaps this is foolish, I really don’t know. Its just that so far as I can see, marriage doesn’t seem worth it unless I am head over heals for her.
2. She would need to be someone who is in love God so much so that she is willing to follow Him wherever He may lead us. Right now I do not see a specific call to anywhere but Long Beach, CA, but I want to remain open to wherever I can be used most. I love adventure, and would hope that I could find that same excitement in a mate. Again, if she does not share that excitement to follow God wherever, I hope that I would always prefer to stay wildly devoted to God and single rather than to settle for a dull safe life with a partner.
3. I am frugal, and would like a partner to be so as well. This is not so much to save money, which is indeed part of it, but more so because I value good stewardship, and am passionate about being able to give generously. I am not saying this should be true of everyone, but I personally feel guilty any time I buy something that is not essential. I understand buying nice things every once in a while, but I would hope that my partner would feel the same desire and urge to give and support those who do great acts of charity, more so than she would see the need to spoil herself with luxuries. Maybe I just sound cheap, but I find it incredibly attractive when women value the needs of others more than they do their own jewelry.
4. I have recently seen the need for a more healthy lifestyle, and I think I can thank daily stops at Mcdonald’s while traveling the US for that conclusion. With that I would like to find someone who values their health as well as mine. I think I would do well with someone who challenged me to maintain a healthy lifestyle, both in how I eat, and the activities I do. It would be ideal that this person likes to prepare healthy food with me, and engaged in healthy activity with me as well.
5. The last thing is beauty, and this is something that roots itself much deeper than just one’s skin. I have known plenty of sexually attractive women that were just down right ugly. Likewise I have met plenty of women who I did not find attractive at first glance, but who grew in beauty as I discovered their elegance in how they treated others and myself. I do want a woman who is physically appealing don’t get me wrong, but on top of that she needs to be someone who shows beauty in the way she interacts with people. This can mean so many things, her sense of humor, her compassion towards others, her strength, her independence, and so many other things that make a woman beautiful.
I know some people who are concerned for me and my singleness, and have even mentioned this to me, as if there is something wrong with me for it. However I am quite proud to be content with my independence. I do not feel as though my life would be incomplete without a spouse, but it does seem like a pleasing way to live. With that said I am in no rush to find a wife, and like I said before if I can not find all of the things I listed, then I would just as well prefer to stay single. For me marriage is not an absolute, under the proper circumstances it would be most beneficial and pleasant, but outside of those circumstances it seems rather unnecessary and simply not worth the difficult effort involved in maintaining a relationship.
